How to identify toxic people
As a teenager I could never understand what “toxic” people are like. I always thought they are the mean people but it turned out that you don’t always have to be mean in order to be toxic. So let’s see what traits make someone toxic.
Side note, remember that toxic people don’t always realize they are toxic. You can either tell them or cut them off.
- No commitment to the promises they made. — Let’s say you made plans with K. K agrees and then when you have to do what you agreed on, K says they can’t because they got plans with Q. If this happens more than once, you should reconsider your friendship a little.
- 5% you, 95% them — Basically you don’t get to talk about what you want for too much because they’ll find an excuse to make you shut up. However, when they have to talk, you listen and they don’t stop for a long period of time.
- You will never be good enough. — Whatever you do, they’ll find a flaw or won’t let you be proud of your achievement. That’s why sharing your goals isn’t a wise choice since they will probably find a flaw for everything.
- You will never be worse enough. — this is the completely opposite one. Whatever it’s bad in your life, it’s never worse than what they go through. Basically everything is a competition and they make you shut up because “you got it easy”.
- They are never wrong. — Even if they were they wouldn’t admit it. I call this “inflexibility”, inflexibility of thinking of other circumstances or that people have different opinions.
- Shaming — Shaming you for your habits or likes until you don’t like that singer anymore or until you become self conscious about how you look like. Usually this comes out during jokes. If they joke in a mean way constantly, and you start to feel bad, get out of that relationship. No friendship is worth your mental health or self-esteem.
- You basically feel drained from all points of view. Don’t allow to anyone to make you feel that way.
These are the most common traits. (That I dealt with, other people can have other experiences)
Please note that some people will tell their experience in order to give you advice so you don’t make their mistakes and also, some will point out some flaws into your plans and give you constructive criticism so you do better. Without that constructive criticism, you get basically a discouragement so you give up.
Now, if you find yourself among what I’ve said earlier, ask yourself;
- Is what I’m saying constructive?
- Do I say this to show that I understand and I plan to give them tips?
- How would I feel if someone behaved like this towards me?
Don’t hang out with people that don’t value you. Don’t hang out with people that belittle you. Don’t hang out with people that never consider your thoughts and feelings. Don’t hang out with people that don’t care about you.
